i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
