Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
