fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Your penis caused this!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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