is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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