so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Everclear isn't food dammit
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
