Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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