I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
