u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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