We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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