Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
