omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Did I show you my penis last night?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
