Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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