Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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