I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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