Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
