Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
