im about as happy as oj after his trial
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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