I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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