fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
