Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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