I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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