Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
