I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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