Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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