You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
