he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
