Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
