the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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