you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
