i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
