my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
