Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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