bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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