But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
