ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
