Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
