See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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