I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
