So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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