...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize