I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Vodka?
Forever.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
