there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
