you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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