1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I had to cum in my sink.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
