Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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