great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
