Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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