i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It was confusing and full of hummus
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
