all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He has the fingertips of a God
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