i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
