My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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