Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
