i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
