He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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