Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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