end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
