he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
