I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
