I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
