Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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