first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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