when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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