you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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