You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
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