i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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